Thursday, May 09, 2013

The Devoted Dad

A friend of mine had a dinner party/discussion night at her house.  The topic was relationships.  There were about 30 people there all in their 20s and 30s.  There were people that was single, engaged, married, and divorced: we had the whole spectrum covered.  One guy was very involved in the conversation and had alot of great things to say.  He was tall, dark, and handsome!  Lets call him Raheem.  I asked the host about him and she informed that the he was her cousin and was a great guy.  She encouraged me to go spark conversation with him.  I went up to him and started talking.  It was a brief conversation but it was nice.  We don't exchange info so I just keep it moving.  A few days later, he sends me a message on facebook saying that he enjoyed speaking with me and if it would be ok if he took me out.  Of course!

He and I start dating for a few months.  Things are going well and we decide to be exclusive.  We have awesome dates at the National Habour, a great Valentine's Day dinner, and just overall alot of fun.  He has a 2 year old daughter that lives in Philly.  Every other Thursday he would drive to Philly to pick her up and bring her back down to MD.  He would then turn around and drive her back to Philly that Sunday.  He was such a devoted dad, that it made me like him even more.  There are so many men who have children that live minutes away from them that don't make the same effort as he did.  One day, he gets a call that his daughter is sick.  Of course he drops everything and goes up to be with her.  Unfortunately she was diagnosed with a rare disorder that is going to have her considered "special needs" for the rest of her life.  He was devastated and spent all of his free time in Philly with her.  Naturally that didn't leave him any time for a relationship so we split up.  But the fact that he was so dedicated to his daughter really said alot about his character and strong character trumps relationship status any day!

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

The Fish

Lets call him Chris.  He was artsy.  He was a photographer and a hip hop dancer.  His free spirit and artistic knowledge intrigued me.  Against my better judgement, we decided to meet for dinner.  Coffee dates are my preference because they're quick and you can get out of there easily if the date goes bad.  I pull into a parking spot at the restaurant and get out of my car.  Just then I see a motorcycle speed through the parking lot and park in a spot not too far from mine.  I'm not a big fan of motorcycles due to a couple traumatic experiences so I'm like "please don't be him, please don't be him!". Off course, its him!!!  We walk towards the restaurant and greet each other.  He's cute but shorter than he said he was online.  Instead of being 5'10" like he said he was, I'd give him 5'8" at best!

We sit for dinner and start talking.  The waitress comes and he orders a Long Island ice tea.  I get a strawberry lemonade.  Conversation is going ok, but I can tell he's a party guy. He orders another drink when the waitress comes back to take our food order.  I hadn't even noticed that he finished the first one!  By the time the food arrives, he orders drink number 3.  At this point, I know nothing is going to happen between us.  To his credit, he's holding his liquor well but why are you drinking so much on a first date!?!  By the time we leave the restaurant, he's had 5 Long Island ice teas.  Keep in mind he's on a motorcycle and he's not that big of a guy in the first place!  I ask if he's ok to drive home, and he says "Yeah I just had a couple."  If thats just a couple, I'd hate to see him really in party mode.  I said a quick prayer for him to get home safely but I never called him again. 

Tuesday, May 07, 2013

The pirate

Lets call this dude Brian.  Brian was attractive (but he looked a little corny in his pictures).  I tried to ignore that part and be more open to other types of guys than I normally date.  If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always gotten.  And I've gotten a lot of mess along the way so why not try something new.  He worked at a local performing arts theater so he peaked my interest.  Yet again we meet for coffee.  I walk in and can't believe the way he's dressed.  He has on long jean shorts that come to the middle of his shins, long white socks pulled up, and a white tank top with a red plaid button down shirt over top of it.  He has the NERVE to only button the top couple of buttons and leave the bottom swinging open.  To top it all off he has a gold hoop earring in his left ear.  COME ON NOW!!!  Am I being punked?  He looked like a Hispanic gang banger from Compton mixed with a pirate. (Please excuse the stereotypical description but I couldn't explain it any other way.)  Another short coffee date then I'm gone.  I had the urge to watch "Pirates of the Caribbean" and "Friday After Next" as soon as I got home!

Monday, May 06, 2013

Snags

So I keep going through online profiles and meet Mike.  Mike is in the IT field, no kids, and attractive.  He's a chocolate complexion, bald head, but a little shorter than I prefer my guys.  I'm 5'2" but I like dating tall guys so that my kids can have some hope!!!  We decide to meet up for coffee one day.  I've learned my lesson from meeting for dinner.  Sometimes dinner dates take entirely too long and I'm begging for the check to come as soon as possible!  Coffee dates can be over in 15 minutes if I want it to!

So I'm walking up towards him and he looks just like his picture.  Great.  Then it happens: he opens his mouth!  Right in the front of his mouth is a huge space where a tooth used to be!  What the heck?  I think back to his pictures online and realize that he never smiled in any of them.  Instantly, my brain starts going a mile a minute.  How did your tooth get knocked out?  Were you fighting?  Did it fall out from decay?  Is that coffee burning the mess out of your mouth since you don't have any teeth to slow in down?  Are you going to spit on me at any moment because you don't have a tooth the block it?  I fight to keep all those questions in and not ask him.  To be honest, I couldn't tell you a word of what we talked about because I was so fixated on the missing tooth.  There was no second date!

Friday, May 03, 2013

The cheapskate

Lets call him Ricky.  His profile looked great.  Attractive, Christian, no kids, professional: I was excited!  We exchanged emails back and forth and eventually realized that we had some mutual friends.  This took away some of the fear of meeting him since we had some people in common.  We talked on the phone and conversation went great.  We decide to meet up for dinner.  I arrive at the restaurant and he's there already.  He looked just like his picture so I was relieved!  No catfishing here!  We eat and it was an overall great date, until......the bill comes.  He quickly reaches for the bill, pulls out his wallet, slides in his card and a coupon.  Yes I said a coupon!  Who uses a coupon on the first date?  I knew he had a good job.  He owned his own home and also had a second property that he rented out.  So why are you using a coupon?  Red flags go off but we're in a recession so I try to get over it. 

We continue to talk after that date and go out several times after that.  Each time was either with a coupon or a Groupon, or a Living Social deal: restaurants, pool halls, jazz clubs, etc.  One time he asked me where I wanted to go eat and I told him the restaurant I wanted to go to.  He then follows up by said that he has a coupon to Ruby Tuesdays that he wants to use before it expires.  First off, don't ask me where I want to go if you're going to shoot it down and insist we go somewhere else.  Secondly, who needs a coupon for Ruby Tuesdays?  Isn't every meal like $12?  I got soooo turned off by his cheapskate ways.  I appreciate you being frugal with your money and all but there is a difference between frugal and CHEAP!!  And the Diva does not do cheap! 

Online dating

So I tried my hand at online dating.  The next few posts are of guys that I met on there. 

Thursday, May 02, 2013

The Rude Boy

So I had met a guy and was pretty excited about him.  He was attractive, my age, and in dental school.  Plus he was Jamaican.  I thought it was so cool that he had an accent and instantly imagined us taking trips to Jamaica frequently (all this before our first date).  But in the midst of the "cool factor", there lied the problem: HIS ACCENT!  I couldn't understand a word he said!  When we were together in person, I could read his lips, understand context clues and kind of put things together, but it was still difficult.  Talking on the phone was EVEN WORSE.  He spoke so quickly and would switch in between his patois and standard English.  I said "huh", "say it again", "what did you say" sooooo many times.  It was annoying me so I know it had to have annoyed him.  Even text messages were an issue. "I'm a guh tek yuh out to nyam."  Huh?  Nyam?  What the heck is nyam?  I'm a pretty smart girl but I would have to re-read his texts at least 5 times to piece together what he was saying.  Ooohhhh you said you're going to take me out to eat! Got it!  LOL.  I tried to make it work by finding an English to Jamaican dictionary (yes they make those!) but got tired of having to research our conversations!  So needless to say, while the potential trips to Jamaica were appealing at first, we just couldn't break the language barrier.  I think I'm going to turn on some Bob Marley right now in memory of him!

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

The Double Date

One of my best friends, we'll call her Emma, had just started dating a guy.  I had met him once or twice and he seemed like a really good guy.  The two of them had been going strong for a little while now and I was really happy for her.  Anxious for me to join in the happiness, she tells me that her boyfriend wanted to set me up with one of his friends.  His name was Xavier and he was my age and a model.  Emma's boyfriend was an attractive man so I figured birds of a feather flock together plus he's a model so he must be FINE!  I told her before I agreed to anything, I needed to see a picture of him first.  She sent me a picture and he was very nice looking.  He was a milk chocolate complexion, wearing a button down shirt, vest and fedora type hat.  I'm in!  We decided that the 4 of us would go to Dave & Buster for a double date.  Emma and I ride together and we meet the fellas there.  We walk up and she greats her guy and Xavier introduces himself to me.  He has on button down shirt, jeans a baseball cap.  I'm like, ok, he's cute. Not gorgeous but cute. 
 
We go inside to get a table so that we can eat before playing some games.  Conversation is going well and we're really enjoying ourselves.  The food comes and then it happens....he takes off his hat!  My eyes got so big, I know I probably looked like I had seen a ghost.  It was like his head was shaped like a normal person from the eyes down, but fron the eyes up there was an additional horizontally shaped egg! It was the strangest thing I had ever seen.  This crazy egg head had been covered up by hats in his picture and when he first met (smart move on his part) but now its all out in the open sunny side up!  I tried to ignore it but I kept finding myself staring at his head.  When the waitress came to take our orders I almost slipped up and ordered egg salad instead of a wedge salad!  Thankfully he put his hat back on after dinner while we were playing games but I could not get that hard boiled brown egg out of my mind.  Needless to say, there was no second date!
 
 
 

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Stalker

So I had been dating a guy for awhile but I just wasn't that into him.  I ended things but unfortunately he just couldn't let the Diva go. He called me continuously day after day.  I wouldn't answer the phone so he left messages every time to the point where my voicemail was full.  Once he couldn't leave any more voicemails, he started with the back to back text messages.  I had tried to just ignore them but he wasn't getting the hint.  I finally answered the phone and told him to please stop calling me.  I don't want to hear from you or see you again.  I guess he figured that just because I wouldn't see him didn't mean that he wouldn't see me.  That's when things started getting creepy.

One day I got a text message saying, "I really love it when you wear blue".  I looked down and I was wearing a blue top.  That creeped me out but I just ignored it.  A few days later, "That dress looked really nice on you today."  OH H*LL NAW!!!  This dude is CRAZY!  We don't live in the same neighborhood.  We don't work in the same area.  We have absolutely no reason to cross paths and for him to see me.  I give him quite a few choice words in all caps via text message and tell him if he keeps stalking me I'm calling the police.  A couple weeks go by and I don't hear anything from him.  Then one day I pull up in front of my place, walk in the house, and immediately get a text message: "I know you said don't contact you but your left break light is out."  Ok, now I'm scared.  I'm petite and live alone and this has "Lifetime Movie plot" written all over it.  Was he following me today?  Is he outside my house right now?  I look out of my window to see if I see his car.  At first I don't see anything, but waaaayyyy across the development behind the playground I see his car backed into a spot facing my house.  Apparently this dude has been camping out of my house far enough away for me not to notice this whole time!  I text him back, "Why the h*ll are you at my house?  I am calling the police! You are stalking me and I will have you arrested!"  I look out the window and his car is still there.  I call my friend that is a cop (not the one from a previous post lol) and tell him whats going on.  "Make sure your doors are locked.  Stay in the house.  I'm on my way and I'll be there in 15 minutes!", he says. 

I stay at the window looking back and forth between whether his car is still there and how many minutes its been since I hung up with my cop friend.  11 minutes have gone by and he starts to pull out of the spot and leave.  I call my friend, "He's leaving!  How far are you?  Can you catch him? Pull him over!".  My friend says that he'll be to me in a couple of minutes.  He finally makes it to my house 5 minutes later but the stalker is long gone now.  For the next week or so, my cop friend meets me at my house when I come home from work so I'm not going into the house by myself.  He also randomly just drives through my neighborhood in his squad car to establish a presence there.  This tactic apparently works because I never received any more texts or calls from the stalker and I haven't seen him again to this day. I've moved from that house now anyway.  Lifetime Movie crisis averted!

Monday, April 29, 2013

The Set Up

I had been on my fair share of bad dates and my friends had started to feel sorry for me.  An associate of mine (I can't even call her a friend because a true friend wouldn't have done this to me) attempts to set me up with someone she knows.  She insists that he's "a great guy".  But what does he look like?  She says he "has an awesome job and is really successful."  But What Does He Look Like?  He "has no kids and would treat you like a queen." BUT WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE?  She wouldn't go into details so I already knew he wasn't going to be that cute.  I've been with a lot of cute guys and they all had issues so why not step out of my comfort zone and date a "not so attractive" man?  Ugly dudes need love too right?  Going into the date I knew this dude already had a strike against him because he wasn't that cute, so I expected everything else to be wonderful to overcompensate for his lacking looks.  WRONG. 

We decide to go out to dinner.  I feel so bad even typing this but the Diva keeps it real so deal with it.  I get there first and decide to wait at the bar until he arrives.  We had spoken on the phone so we knew what each other was wearing when we got there.  He's late.  Strike two!  This dude walks in the building and my heart sank.  4'11", about 95lbs, extremely dark skin (nothing against my dark brothers. I'm just trying to paint a picture here), acne, huge gauging eyes, and teeth that an orthodontist would love to get their hands on!  This dude was soooo unattractive I wanted to walk straight out of the door.  Before I could get up and leave he notices me and walks over.  "Hi, you must be Diva", he says. Dag my get away planned failed!  "Yep, that's me", I reply.  I decide that I'm going to be nice, enjoy the dinner, and curse my friend out as soon as I get in the car.

The whole dinner I realize that I'm not looking him in his eyes.  I'm looking slightly past him because I'm trying to ignore the fact that he is so unattractive. Don't judge me. LOL.  So the dinner was painful.  We have absolutely nothing to talk about.  I eat my meal quickly so that we could hurry up and get out of here.  The check comes and he quickly reaches for it and slides his card in.  The waitress comes back, "I'm sorry sir but your card has been declined." This isn't a credit card.  I can clearly see that it says debit.  That means that you don't have $50 in your bank account.  He fumbles around his wallet searching for something.  He looks up at me, pulls out $10 and says, "I'm sorry. I don't have enough to cover this."  OH H*LL NAW!!  I am beyond pissed.  I pull out my card, pay for the meal and quickly leave the restaurant.  So not only did I have to sit through a dreadful dinner but I had to pay for it myself.

Needless to say, the girl who set me up is no longer my friend!

Friday, April 26, 2013

The officer

So I kind of have a thing for police officers.  Don't judge me.  So I had started dating a police officer.  We had gone out a few times and things were going well.  We were supposed to meet for dinner one night but he calls with a change of plans.  He says that he was asked to work over time because a coworker of his had to call out.  All he had to do was sit in the parking lot of a car dealership for a few hours.  I guess the car dealership likes to have police presence in the parking lot while its closed to deter criminals. He told me that he normally just sits in his car and watches movies on his laptop and that I'm more than welcome to sit in his car with him and watch.  I didn't have any other plans, so hey why not.

I got to the parking lot, park my car next to his and get in the passenger seat of his cruiser.  He is a part of the K-9 unit so he has his HUGE dog in the back seat.  There is the gate that blocks the front seats from the back seats but the dog is sitting up with his face right in the gate between us.  It makes me a little uneasy but I've met the dog before so I wasn't too frightened.  We make it through one movie and decide to put in another when all of a sudden we hear a commotion.  We look to the right and there is a big fight breaking out in the parking lot of a bowling alley next door.  By now its about 1am so I'm like ok time to go home.  He says "Time for action!" (I SWEAR I CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP PEOPLE!).  He gets on his radio and calls it in.  I tell him "Ok I'm going to leave now".  He says one word, "Nope". What do you mean nope? I guess he sensed my confusion and said, "you're safer in this car than you are in your car."  The dog starts parking by my ear, he turns on the sirens and lights and we fly out of the car dealership parking lot around to the bowling alley parking lot.  I'm like WTF?!?!  We get to the fight and he jumps out of his car.  People start running but the two dudes are still fighting.  He grabs one of the dudes and SLAMS him on the hood of the car!  He's putting him in handcuffs and the dog is barking even louder now!  Another guy starts walking to the car towards my door.  I'm like oh crap he's trying to get me.  Right at that moment 3 other police cars fly into the parking lot!  Another officer jumps out the car with his gun pointed at the guy.  I scream "OH SH!T!!!" and slouch far down into the seat to avoid getting hit.  The guy drops to his knees and the DOG IS STILL BARKING!!!  The officers arrest the guys and put them in the other cars.  My date gets back in the car and asks "Do you want to go finish watching the movie?"  Is he serious?  I was just a part of a movie so no I don't want to go back and finish watching whatever stupid comedy we were watching!  I get in my car and head home.  I try to wind down and go to bed but as soon as I turn on the tv, the show "Cops" comes on.  I can't win for losing!

"Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"

Thursday, April 25, 2013

The daddy daughter dinner

So I meet this gorgeous guy and he asks me out to dinner.  Our phone conversations were ok.  He didn't seem seem like the brightest star in the sky but he was cute so I gave him a pass.  We originally scheduled dinner for one day but he called the day before to reschedule because he knew he would have to work late the following date.  No problem.  So we reschedule the date and decide to meet the following weekend.  I show up at the restaurant first and get a table for 2 while I wait.  I'm sitting at the table and see him walk in.  He's a tall guy, about 6'3" so my eyes go up to his face first.  As my eyes start traveling downward I notice a little girl holding his hand.  No this dude did not bring his 2 year old daughter to this date!!!  THE FIRST DATE might I add. 

Now don't get me wrong, she's the cutest thing ever and is all smiles.  I guess he could see the shock written on my face.  He quickly says that he shares custody of his daughter and this is his week with her.  His baby sitter cancelled on him and since he had already rescheduled once he didn't want to reschedule again.  Dude you should have rescheduled!!!  I told y'all he wasn't that bright!  I mean who brings a 2 yr old on a first date.  I reluctantly decide to stay because I'm starving at this point.  He asks the waitress to bring up a high chair.  OMG it looks like we are at a family dinner but its our FIRST DATE!  We try to have adult conversation but little Adora (He named her that because she was Adorable.  I couldn't make this stuff up people!) is dropping crayons, asking questions, singing little songs, and doing a little head bop thing when the food gets really good to her.  Most of the conversation end up about her including his 5 minute rant on how she loves dipping sauces.  He says "Ketchup, Honey Mustard, Ranch, Blue Cheese, you name it.  She loves her a good dipping sauce" in one of the most country accents I've heard in a long time.  I felt like I was in the movie Forrest Gump and Bubba starts ranting about his love for shrimp!  So the dinner is finally over and he and little Adora leave.  He calls me a few times after the date but I never answer the phone call.  Needless to say, there was never a second date!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The end of J

So the last I posted, I was head over heels in love with J.  Needless to say that was over a few months after my last post.  Since we're all friends here, I'm going to keep in real and let you know that I was pretty devasted over this breakup.  Especially because I was completely blindsided by it.  Well hind sight is 20/20 so looking back on it I see the warning signs but I was completely clueless back then.  Here's how it went down.

So we were all in love and everything.  Never had an argument or fight.  Then one day, I stop hearing from him.  I call him, no answer.  I text him, no anwer.  This goes on for days.  I call our mutual friend that set us up and ask if he's heard from him because at this point I'm worried out of my mind.  Was he in an accident?  Did he get arrested?  Did his mama die? These are the only explanations that I could think of to explain why he had fallen off of the face of the earth and started ignoring me.  My friend told me that he had just talked to him and that he was fine.  So now I'm confused, angry, and sad because I couldn't understand why I hadn't heard from him.  About a week or 2 goes by and I go into crazy chick mode.  I decide to ride up to where I know he'll be and I'll confront him face to face then to see whats up.  I leave my Laurel apartment and drive to the bowling alley in Baltimore where he always is on Friday nights.  I see his car out front so I know he's there.  I sit in my car in the parking lot for awhile trying to figure out how I'm going to do this.  I look up and see him walking out of the bowling alley to his car. 

I call his cell phone.  Ring! Ring!  I see this bamma (DC slang for loser) pull out his phone, see its me calling, and put his phone back in his pocket.  OH NO HE DIDN'T!!!!  I get fired up at that moment.  I get out of my car and walk toward him.  He doesn't see me coming but when he turns around I'm standing right in front of him.  His face is priceless!  Like he saw a ghost.  He lets out a big sigh, lowers his head, and says "I'm Sorry".  I'm so hurt I couldn't even lay into him the way I wanted to.  The speech I had practiced in my head on the drive up completely left my mind.  The only thing I could muster up to say is "What in the h*ll is going on?"  He pulls out his key ring, takes the key to my apartment off of it, hands it to me, says "I'm sorry" again, and then walks away.  No explanation.  No answers.  No nothing.  I get back in my car and the water works begin.  I have never cried like that in my life.  I don't know how I even made it home because the hysterical tears completely filled my eyes so I was driving down 295 blind.  My body was shaking from the convusling sobs.  It was bad.  I pull out my cell phone and call my Aunt Lynn (this was before cell phone bans).  I manage to eek out the works "J dumped me" in between sobs.  I think I even hung up on her after that.  I make it back to my apartment, collapse on the bed and continue to cry.  Aunt Lynn knocks on my door.  I open the door, don't say a word, and go back to bed sobbing the whole way.  She doesn't say anything, she just sat there and let me cry it out.  It was bad.  REAL BAD!

After a week or so, when I've calmed down a bit, I call our mutual friend and ask him if he knew anything.  He tells me that J has quit his job and moved down to Florida with some girl.  Apparently since January (by this time its April), J had been dating this girl and it got serious and he moved with her.  Shocked the mess out of me.  That break up hurt me for a long time.  I think because it was so sudden and I had no explanation of why.  Years went by and I never heard from him.  A few years ago, I get a long email from him apologizing for everything and telling me how he had met her and fell for her.  How she was fast and fun and she intrigued him.  How I never did anything wrong but my stability scared him.  He went down to FL, she cheated on him, he couldn't find a job and ended moving back in with his mother in Bmore and became a janitor.  He wishes he would have stayed with me.  Of course part of me was like "I told you so", but the other part of me felt sorry for him.  The main thing is that his email put closure to wound that still stung a bit.  I was finally able to forgive him.  I haven't spoken to him since that time a few years ago so I have no idea what he's up to now.  And to be honest, I don't really care.  The J chapter ends here.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Guess who's back!?!

"It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you, without a strong beat to step to".

Ok, I know you're like who does this chick think she is?  She starts telling us all of her dating stories and then all of a sudden leaves us hanging for over 7 years.  Well 7 is the number of completion and my hiatus is complete.  I'M BACK!!!  A whole lot has happened and changed in the last 7 years.  And I mean a WHOLE LOT.  But one thing that hasn't changed is that I'm still single.  WOMP WOMP!!  I've been in a couple serious relationships during that time but of course a lot of bad dates!  I'm going to start posting on this thing more regularly and get you caught up on some of the bad dates that I've had over the last 7 years.  So sit back, grab a glass of wine, and live vicariously through my dating adventures.  Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Another Good Year for the Diva!


This past Friday (December 2nd) was my birthday. Yep, I'm the big 2-4!!! Ok, I know thats far from old but I really feel like I'm getting up there. LOL. All in all, it was a pretty good year for me. I dated a couple of guys in the beginning of the year with no real drama (well, except for that one time but thats another story that I'm sure I've written about before). And the best part of the year is that on July 16, 2005 I met my sweetie, J. I can't say enough good things about him, but here's one more example...

12:01 am December 2nd: It's officially my birthday!!! "Close your eyes baby." I quickly put my hands over my eyes. Like the big kid that I am on birthdays, I try to sneak a peak through my fingers. "Hey, no peaking!", he yells at me. "Ok, ok, ok!" I'm so impatient it feels like an eternity. "Ok, open your eyes." I see a tiny black jewelry box with a gold trim. My mouth opens. Is he about to propose to me? No he can't propose, we haven't been together that long. But what if he is? All these thoughts race through my head at 100mph. He opens the box and I see the most beautiful pair of diamond earrings. I let out the girliest scream ever!! Not only are the earrings beautiful but they are the exact setting as my diamond cross necklace that I wear almost every day. (He had to point it out cause I hadn't even noticed it). It wasn't a ring, but I'm actually kind of relieved that it wasn't. Getting engaged is such a HUGE step and although I love him more than I've loved any man in my life, we're not quite ready for that step. But I must admit, seeing that little box did get me excited!

The rest of my birthday was fabulous! Went to the salon to get my hair done, came back home and chilled with J, got my nails done and then had a fabulous dinner party at my place. All my friends and family were there with a bunch of great food. Friends from college even drove down from Philly and NY for the night! We ate, drank, laughed, played games...it was perfect. In all of the pictures from the party, I have this HUGE smile on my face. I just couldn't stop smiling the whole night. This past year has probably been the happiest of my life...especially the last 5 months with J. All I can say is, MY CUP RUNNETH OVER!!!

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

He Loves Me!


Thats right...he loves me. Ok, well I already knew that he did. As I've told you before, his actions and the way he looks at me is filled with love. But he's never spoken those three words before. He had never said..."Baby, I love you." And I never wanted to be the one to pressure him into saying something that he wasn't ready to say. Yes I did crave that auditory reassurance but I wanted it to be real and genuine and on his own time.

We were laying down watching TV and was carressing my face with the back of his hand. I looked over to him and he was looking at me with this glazed over look in his eyes....a look that I had never seen before. I asked him,
"Whats going on through that mind of yours?"
"You"
"Oh really, what exactly about me?"
Silence........still with a nervous kind of look in his eyes
"So are you going to tell me?" At this point I'm starting to get a little worried.
"Mmm Hmmm"
More Silence.....I'm trying to be patient. But I can't help but to wonder what on earth could be going through my sweeties mind that is leaving him so speechless?
"I Love You"

November 25, 2005 10:43pm

My heart stopped. I had been waiting so long to hear those three words and it was soooo worth the wait. He said it so softly, so sweet. It was as if he was kissing me with his words. I regain my composure and quickly tell him that I love him too. He said that he had been wanting to tell me for a long time but wanted to wait until the time was right. Also he said that people use the words so carelessly that he didn't want it to be just a mundane phrase that we through out there because it sounded nice.

He's right. People often either under use or over use the phrase so much. Either they never say it at all and wait until its too late to tell their loved ones how they really feel or they use it so much that it lacks meaning. We don't want to be either one of those kind of people. But we want to make sure that our actions and our words tell us how much we mean to each other. Even if he doesn't say it every day, the times that he does say it, I can feel the words and not just hear them.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Meet the Family Part II


My sweetie J got the chance to meet my family early on in our relationship. I'm big on family and I wanted to sort of "test him out" to see how he'd react and blend in with my crazy kin. They're approval meant a lot to me because I can't be involved with someone who can't be involved with my family.

With his mother and I both working two jobs it was always difficult to find the right time for me to make that drive up to Baltimore to meet his family. But we made it happen this weekend. I had gotten tickets to the Baltimore Ravens vs. Pittsburgh Steelers game (his team against my team) so we decided that we would stay at his place so we could be close to the stadium on Sunday. Saturday I met them at the bowling alley. I was super nervous because I hadn't met a boyfriends mother in a really long time. (8 years to be exact!) Plus I know that he and his mother are like best friends so I really wanted to make a good impression.

At the bowling alley we didn't talk much. She was focused on her game. J and I decided to go out to eat after bowling and then head over to his moms apartment so that we could all get to know each other. When we got to her place she was in her bedroom. J turned on a boxing match that he was excited to see. Ms. J (his mom) came out to the living room and asked if I liked boxing. I replied, "Not really but I don't mind watching it." She said, "Naw, come on back in my room and we can watch something good." J just smile and nudged me to go on back.

I honestly have no idea what was on TV in her room. As soon as I got back there we just started talking. We talked about everything under the sun: football, J's childhood, my interests, her job, it was a great conversation. She is the sweetest woman and I had a great time just talking to her. (Plus she spilled some beans on J for me!) She called J's younger sister, I'll call her Val, and told her that J's girlfriend was over. Her first response was, I'm on my way. Val and her two year old son Lil D came over. She wasn't quite as open and I couldn't really figure her out. But Lil D was a sweetheart. We played and talked and he started telling me stories. Then he looked at me and said, "You know what? I love you." I replied, "Oh is that right. You don't even know my name." He said, "Nope but you're nice."

The next day, we got up, went to IHOP for breakfast and then went to the game. We were probably the only two people holding hands and hugging in the stadium but it was cold out there. We had to keep warm! The game was fun. I'd stand up and cheer whenever the Steelers would make a play while J booed me. And then I'd boo him when he'd root for the Ravens. But those bammafied Baltimore Ravens had the nerve to beat my Steelers! What is the world coming to. As a result of our friendly wager, I'm being subjected to wear a purple Baltimore Ravens Tshirt for 24 hours. :(

We went back to Mrs. J's house so I could say goodbye. She quickly began rubbing in my face that her Oakland Raiders had beat my Washington Redskins in overtime just as the Ravens beat the Steelers. And to make matters worse, The Philadelphia Eagles lost too. It was a bad day for sports for me but a great weekend overall. I had made a good impression on my sweeties mother. Thats all that really matters!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The Fear of Love


I came across a blog today that I absolutely love. The author makes a point about how people are afraid of love or are embarrassed to say that they want a need love. Check out the post:

http://painttheworldpink.blogspot.com/2005/11/its-okay-yall-its-okay.html

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Like a Shark to Blood


Have you ever noticed that once you're happy and in a relationship, tons of guys start knocking on your door? Its like men are attracted to women in relationships like a shark is to blood. I've always known this was true but this past experience irony to the core. You all know how much I completely ADORE my boyfriend. I couldn't ask for anything more. But yesterday there was a blast from the past.

A while ago, I wrote about my first crush from when I was 3 years old. Shortly after that I developed the "all boys have cooties" syndrome that lasted until 4th grade. There was a new boy in school this year. I'll call him R. Dub. He was the cutest thing I had ever seen plus he was a good kid and smart in class. (I was a prissy little thing that hated rough bad kids at the time so he was PERFECT!) His seat was right behind mine and I can remember getting all butterflied up if his paper accidentally touched my back, or if his pencil would brush against my hair. I talked my uncle into helping me plot a plan to tell him I liked him. We decided that the next day when my uncle picked me up from school that he'd go up to R. Dub and have a "man to man" talk and tell him that I liked him.

The next day I was sooo nervous through all my classes, anxiously awaiting school to be over so my uncle could talk to R. Dub. The last bell of the day rang and I was kneeling on the floor by desk gathering my books. He leaned forward and said, "Pssst, Diva, I like you!" I was SPEECHLESS!!! Completely paralyzed for what felt like eternity. When I finally got myself together I just looked up at him, smiled, and quickly got my books and hurried out of the class. I ran up to my uncle and told him that we didn't have to go through with the plan because he already told me he liked me. In the next few days, his papers and pencil would touch my back more frequently. He gave me a notepad and pencil set for Christmas. I wrote my first name and his last name on all of my books. Then he transferred schools.

Years later, he ended up going to the same high school as my cousin. I was able to see him a couple times whenever I'd go to her house and we'd talk on the phone occasionally. But long distance relationships were so hard back then. (Long distance meaning going to different schools).

Yesterday, my cousin calls and says "hold one, there's someone here that wants to talk to you." He gets on the phone and says, "I'll give you three guesses to figure out who this is." I only needed one, R. DUB! We talked for awhile, catching up on the 6 years that have passed since the last time we spoke. He asked if I was involved with anyone and I said, "Yes, and I'm very happy." He responded, "Thats good. Wow, it have been a fairy tale ending if we would have ended up together." He's right. It would have been a fairy tale ending. But I already have my Prince Charming. R. Dub was my first real crush. A crush that lasted from 4th grade to 12th grade. And I must admit, I still do care about him. But R. Dub is merely a blast from my past. But it was good to sit back and reminisce.

Friday, November 11, 2005

I Prayed For You


I prayed to God to send me
A love thats strong a true
A man to be my soul mate
Then God sent me you

I asked the Lord to send me
A protector and a friend
A shoulder I could lean on
Who'd stick by me til the end

A sensitive man with compassion
But who was manly to the core
Someone who's sweet, thoughtful, and kind
But who's strength I can't ignore

I asked Him for a man that I
Could build my future with
I wanted Him to show me that
A "good Black man" was not a myth

I needed a man who could be my king
Who could lead us into tomorrow
Who had wisdom and integrity
Who I'd be glad to step back and follow

I didn't need a perfect, pretty boy
With a movie stars face
I didn't ask for a huge bank account
That could all be gone without a trace

What I asked Him for was simple
Something I knew that He could do
I prayed that God would send my soul mate
Then God sent me you

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Time to Get to Know Me


Two of my fellow bloggers, Intricate Essense and Divyne, had this on their blogs and since I couldn't decide what to write about to day I decided to "borrow" their idea!

1. First name? Diva
2. Were you named after anyone? nope, I'm an original
3. When did you last cry? I honestly can't remember. I'm usually an emotional person but life is very good right now
4. Do you like your handwriting? Not at all. Its the EPITOME of chicken scratch.
5. What is your favorite lunch meat? Ham but I'm not really a lunch meat kind of girl.
6. What is your birth date? 12/02.
7. What is your most embarrassing CD? Alanis Morissett
8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? I sure would
9. Do you have a journal? This blog and a blue dolphin one that I write in when I'm out.
10. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yeah, but not as much as I used to
11. What are your nicknames? Diva, Kiwi
12. Would you bungee jump? Yes, I did the bungee flyer at Six Flags and can't wait to really bungee jump for real!
13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Not really
14. Do you think that you are strong? Most definitely?!
15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla with chocolate syrup
16. Red or pink? Pink
17. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I can be overly emotional at times.
18. Who do you miss most? My high school coach who passed from Breast cancer
19. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it Back? If you do you do, if you don't you don't
20. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Blue jeans w/ black shoes
21. What are you listening to right now? Alicia Keys Unplugged
22. Last thing you ate? McDonalds
23. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Pink
24. What is the weather like right now? Cool and breezy
25. Last person you talked to on the phone? My baby J
26. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes, Build/Height
27. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yep
28. Favorite drink? Pepsi
29. Favorite sport? Basketball and football
30. Hair color? brown
31. Eye color? Brown
32. Contacts? Yep, i'm blind as a bat!
33. Favorite food? Spaghetti
34. Last movie you watched? The Best Man
35. Favorite day of the year? 12/2 my birthday
36. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy Endings, I'm TERRIFIED of scary movies
37. Summer or winter? Fall is my favorite but I'd go with Winter
38. Hugs or kisses? I love a good hug
39. What is your favorite dessert? warm chocolate chip cookies with vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup!
40. Who is most likely to respond? Not a clue
41. Who is least likely to respond? Not a clue
42. Living arrangements? Me and my cat Taurus
43. What books are you reading? The Lester Horton Technique (a dance book)
44. What's on your mouse pad? My company
45. What did you watch last night on TV? America's Next Top Model (I'm addicted)
46. Favorite smells? vanilla and lavender
47. Favorite sounds? soft piano music
48. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Rolling Stones
49. What's the farthest you've been from home? Jamaica
50. Do you have a special talent? Ballet

Here's a bonus question: What would you like people to remember you by? I would like people to remember me as a woman with a kind heart, friendly spirit, and who was passionate about her students, their growth, and the arts.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I Feel Good All Over



In the words of Ms. Stephanie Mills (one of my all time favorite singer), I feel good all over! You know how it is when things are going so good for you that your insides are glowing so much that you feel like you are just radiating on the outside. What a good feeling! So why is this diva feeling so good? Let me count the ways...


1. MY MAN
Yes I'm talking about him again. I just can't help but talk about all of the great things that he does for me. Case in point, the other day I'm talking to him on the phone while I'm sitting on my couch watching some tv. He just go off work and is driving back up to Baltimore to head out to dinner with his boys. We talk for a little while and then hang up. Ten minutes later there is a knock at my door. I open it and there he stands with two red roses. He gives them to me, kisses me, and says that they are just a little something to know that he was thinking about me and to know how much I mean to him. Awww.

Example number two. As I wrote earlier I had a slumber party for my teens this past weekend. The day before the party he comes over to just chill. When he gets there, I'm in the midst of cleaning the place up. He quickly puts his stuff down, turns on the tv to VH1 Soul and asks what I need him to do. I say, don't worry about it baby. You don't have to clean up. Next thing I know he turns the music up loud, starts jammin to the music cleaning off the tables, washing the dishes, and sweeping the kitchen floor. He didn't have to at all but that small gesture meant soooo much.

Example number three. We're just talking the other day about our "must haves" in life. I admited that I MUST have chocolate OFTEN. I'm a severe chocoholic with no plans of reducing my intake or giving it up. No chocoholics anonymous for me! The next day he comes to the door with a box of chocolates. Do you see why I love this man!?!

2. NEW HAIRCUT
Last week I got a new haircut. No its nothing drastic but its a noticeable difference and its looks great. Ladies you know how it is when you just KNOW that you look good. And when you look good, you feel good!





3. JOB
While my full time job is still BLAH, my part time job as a dance teacher is going great! The kids are performing very well and I can really see them growing as dancers and young women. Its a great feeling to know that you are playing a part in a young person's life.


4. WEIGHT
When I talk about my weight most people get mad. While the rest of the world is on a quest to lost weight, I'm trying to find it! I'm not super skinny but I'd like to put on a few pounds to make sure I stay "bootylicious"! I've been small my whole life so I'm trying to really fill out my jeans. And recently I've started packing on a few pounds. Its about time!!!




So all in all life is good right now. I've been blessed with so much, I just can't help to feel good all over. Hopefully I rub off on a few people!

Monday, November 07, 2005

Hey Young Girl!


For those of you who don't know, my part time job is the director of a dance company for teenagers. I decided to let them come over to my house this past weekend for a slumber party and to have a chance to get to know and bond with the new members that we just brought in. During our girl talk session I was shocked at that their candidness and the things that these young girls have gone through at such a young age. Now I knew that times are different from when I was a teenager and that kids today start off young, but I didn't know it was THIS young.

The girls range in age from 13-17 but most of them are 14 years old. About half of the girls had already lost their virginity and have sex on a regular basis. Some of the ones who were still virgins were anxiously awaiting getting the opportunity to lose theirs. Every single one of the girls knew someone their age who either has a baby or has had an abortion. Every single girl knew of a girl their age who has already come out of the closet as a lesbian. Two of the girls had been asked to engage in lesbian activity. And one girl, age 13, had been hit by an ex-boyfriend.

These facts astounded me. Todays youth face grown up issues in their dating lives. Remember back in the day when we were in junior high and high school, our issues were if the person you had a crush on liked you. Who was going to get asked to the dance or not. And just getting kissed was a big deal.

I'm glad I had the chance to talk to them about these issues and give them my perspective and advice on some questions they had. If only more girls had the opportunity to candidly talk to someone about their issues maybe we could curb some of this behavior. Young people have so much on their plates and afterall, they are still kids. They aren't ready to handle everything that comes with having sex. So I encourage you all, get out their and mentor. Become a big brother or big sister. If they have someone to look up to who is on a POSITIVE path they would be able to get back to being kids again.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Auditory Reassurance


In my last post, I said that J's displays of affection and kind acts of taking care of me while I was sick was a sign of love. I stand behind that statement. But there is a part of me that needs more. Am I bein greedy? Slightly spoiled? Yes, I probably am, but the fact remains that I'm the type of girl that needs auditory reassurance.

Yes, actions speak louder than words but I still need to hear those words. I need to hear you say, "Diva, I love you!" I don't think thats too much to ask. Every day J SHOWS me he loves me by the way he looks at me, the way he holds me in his arms, the way he takes care of me and would do anything for me if I asked (and sometimes I don't even need to ask). He somehow even knows what I need before I know it myself. Except for one thing...he apparently doesn't know that I need to HEAR how he feels about me.

You're probably thinking that I'm asking too much or I'm prematurely asking him to lay his heart on the line. Maybe its too early for us to be in love. We've only been together for a few months. But I don't think thats too short of a time period. I've known that I've loved J for a while now. I mean, how can you not love a man like him? But maybe he's the type of person who takes longer before uttering those three power punched words: I LOVE YOU. Or is he?

Very early on in our relationship, he was the first to say that he was "falling in love" with me. Months later, he's still falling. Must be quite a long fall! While at dinner one night at the Olive Garden about a month ago, he initiated the conversation about our future together, including telling me that he can see himself marrying me, an estimate of the time period where we both thought that marriage would be feasible, the number of children that we thought would be ideal and a rough time period where we thought starting a family would be best. Never in my entire life have I had a man initiate such a conversation and quite frankly it slightly startled me (but in a good way). Randomly, he'll even just say "you are so special to me" or "you mean so much to me" but never "I love you". Quite frankly, maybe he doesn't yet. So until he does, I guess I just have to sit back and wait and be content with the acts of love instead of the words.

Friday, October 14, 2005

I'm Sick :(

Today I feel like stir fried slop! Thats right. I'm sick as a dog. This crazy change of seasons has officially knocked me on my bootie! It went from 80 degree weather to 10 inches of rain and 60 degree weather in about a week. My body just couldn't take it. So now I'm sitting at work feeling like a freight train is running rampid through my sinuses and my head, waiting for time to get off work. Not to mention that tonight the kids I teach dance to have a performance so I'll have to deal with them tonight instead of going straight home and going to bed.

I know you're wondering, "How does you being sick relate to your dating disclosures?" Well, I just had to write about how wonderful a man J is. (Yes another, my man is perfect post! Get over it!)

To make matters worse, not only did I catch a cold, but Aunt Flo came to visit. Ladies you know what I'm talking about. The first day of my cycle is always HELL. Hell I tell you! HELL! So J comes over to take care of me. He starts by cooking dinner. (He's no chef but he whipped up a bag of skillet sensations really well! I recommend them for all the non-cooks out there) Dinner was good and then he proceeded to rub my belly all night to try to alleviate my cramps. Now usually during this time, I don't want anyone to bother or touch me, but his rubbing my belly really felt good. I laid down for a nap and when I woke up he had washed the dishes, taken out the trash, cleaned up the living room, and fed the cat! I was like WOW!!! Suprised the mess out of me but I was really happy because I sure as heck didn't feel like doing that.

So then the cold comes on full force. He makes sure I have enough orange juice and then lays down with me and holds me til I fall asleep. I warned him that I might be spreading my germs on him but he didn't care. He said he just wanted to make me feel better. At that point if I wasn't so tired, I would have been cheesin and blushing but that would have taken too much energy out of me. So the morale of the story is...When you're sick and your significant other takes care of you and is willing to sacrifice their own health just to make you feel better, thats love!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

My First Crush



I always had a thing for older men. I was 3 and he was 5!! I wasn't quite old enough for school yet but my grandmother was a kindergarden teacher so I went to school with her every day. I had my own desk and everything (which I begged my grandmother to put next to him). His name was Linwood. Whenever I said his name I'd tilt my head to the left, smile, and say it real slow...Liiinwooooood.

It was Valentines Day, 1985. We had a mailbox in the front of the class that everyone put their Valentine's day cards in, and one student was the post man who would sort all of the cards and then pass the cards out to everyone. The night before I had my mom help me pick out the cutest Valentine kids card from the store and I had carefully written "To: Linwood, From: Diva" (but my real name) with my grandmoms help. I was only 3 but I could write my BUTT off!

I went up and put the card in the mailbox and went back to my desk to patiently wait for the postman to deliver the cards. I got a lot of cards that year. I looked through them to see who they were from. There were some from a couple of girls in the class, they weren't important. I got some from the boys too, they didn't matter to me. Then I saw it. I couldn't quite read yet but I recognized the name...Linwood. I remember I had the biggest smile on my face that was humanly possible. For the rest of the day, I would tell anyone who would listen, "I got a card from Liiiinwoooood". It even turned into a song after awhile.

The sad thing is, that even though that was soooo juvenile and sooo unimportant, it was one of the best Valentine's Day's I've ever had. The way my luck has been February 14th might as well be Friday the 13th in my book. But hopefully now that I have a man in my life, next Valentine's Day will be even better than a "Be Mine" card from Liiiiinwoooood.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Baby Train


She's only 16, and now she's pregnant....again. She got an abortion the first time, so she decided she wants to keep this one. Her 17th birthday is in a couple of weeks. What a present!

Contrary to the way it sounds, my cousin is a good kid. She's had a hard life and basically had to raise herself because of her neglecting, drug addicted parents. Just last week, my mom and I were saying how proud we were of her. She just got a new job to save for college because she knew that her parents weren't going to get her there. It was up to her to make her dream of becoming a pharmacist come true. She had filled out applications to the schools of her choice. She was one of the star dancers in the hip hop performance group at the dance studio I teach at. We had just got back from LA where the group competed and won the Debbie Allen dance competition. She had even been scouted by one of the choreographers from the hip hop krumpin dance movie RIZE. She was doing her thang!! But now she's pregnant.

My family has this thing that I call the baby train. We just keep 'em movin. Every woman of child bearing age in my entire family (mother, grandmother, aunts, and cousins) have either had a baby or an abortion by the time they were 18. Except for me. Somehow, (thank goodness), I was able to hop off of that baby train and escaped being another one of my families statistics. By the time my grandmother was my age she had already had 4 children. I'm not even 24 yet! There is no way I could imagine having four kids at this point in my life.

So as my cousin enters the world of single teenage mothers, my heart hurts for her. But like every other woman in my family I know she'll persevere and be a great mom to her child (though she's only a child herself). Now is the time for my family to surround her with love and support and do whatever it takes to continue raising them both.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Us of the Fatherless Tribe


I was watching Def Poetry Jam one day and a poet on there said a line that really struck a cord with me. She said, "Us of the fatherless tribe love men differently." I repeated that sentence over and over again trying to piece together all of the thoughts that immediately raced around my mind and decide if I agreed with her. Using the power of TIVO, I rewinded her performance over and over again to make sure I didn't miss a single point that she made. My conclusion? I think she's right.

I am a member of the fatherless tribe. The man who implanted his seed into my mothers young body left less than 24 months after I entered the world. Nine years later, he returned for a couple of months and then left permanently, thus solidfying my place in this vast fatherless tribe. But the question remains...has my membership in this tribe altered the way I love men? After long contemplation, I must say yes.

I was blessed to have been raised by three strong black women: my grandmother, my aunt, and my mother. They showered me with love and every other thing possible but yet I was still lacking something. I grew up in the house with my grandfather but his love was a bit different. Though I saw him every day, he was slightly cold. A long span in the military followed by civilian service had hardened him so he was never one for emotional fatherly talks. So with no male influence, when it was my time to enter the world of dating, I was clueless to say the least.

High school and college were filled with many relationships and flings. It was me searching for something specific yet never being able to find it. They say women go after men that remind them of their father. I didn't know who mine was so I tried every type of man under the sun. They all failed. Perhaps I'm the reason why none of them worked. Perhaps my search for the love I was lacking doomed every relationship before it started. I discarded men in a matter of months. Some never had a chance to even last that long. I left them because they were missing something or wasn't able to give me something. Looking back on it, I realize that they weren't giving me a type of "fatherly love".

I know you're probably thinking, "Oh this chick is crazy! She was looking for a man that would act like her father." Thats partly right and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I wasn't looking for a man to be my father, I was looking for a man that would love me unconditionally. That would make me feel safe. That would take me in his arms and hold me so tight like I was his prize possession. Someone that would take care of me when I was sick, console me when I was sad, and tell me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Someone who I would hate to be away from for too long and would run to the door whenever he came home from work. Physically, I am drawn to big guys. Tall, muscular builds. The kind that just scream MANLINESS!

Maybe thats one of the reasons why J swept me off my feet so quickly. He takes care of me and holds me in his arms like I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. He's a big strong guy and I honestly feel safe with him. Like he would never let anything or anyone hurt me. He's the first man thats made me feel this way.

For us in the fatherless tribe, its all about security. Being with a man who is consistant, constant, and stable. Someone who won't just up and leave you. Someone who's in it for the long haul. He has your best interest in mind at all times and the two of you share the deepest bond imagineable. This all may seem very strange to some of you but its the way I think. No I do not look at J as a father figure but I do look at him as my protector, my friend, and my love. No I've never been daddy's little girl but I am J's woman and he's my big daddy :)

Thursday, October 06, 2005

My apologies



OK, Ok, ok....I know. Its been damn near a month since I've posted. I know what you're thinking....This chick goes off and falls in love and forgets all about the rest of the world. For that I only have two words...MY BAD!

See what had happened was (classic disclaimer), I have been super busy. Plus I've been having slight writers block. The theme of this blog is my dating disclosures. And since I've been with J, I haven't been dating. I can only tell you about the gushy stuff we do so many times before you get bored. So I'm trying to write about my friends dating lives and dating in general. I promise I'll get back on this blog bandwagen and get this site going again for yall.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

From one Dreamer to Another

This man's blog is AMAZING. I sat at my computer reading his page and my eyes literally couldn't move fast enough. His name is Will and his blog is entitled, "In My Write Mind." This post in particular, "A Dream Deferred", touched me because I had a similar experience to his with discovering this poem and it seems as though he took the words right out of my mouth. Check this page out. You won't be disappointed...

http://inmywritemind.blogsome.com/2005/09/12/a-dream-preferred/

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Hair Combing Dreams



I was tenderheaded with a boat load of hair when I was younger and looked an uncanny amount like this little girl in the picture. Getting my hair combed everyday was an unpleasant yet necessary experience. I'd hate to have my hair combed but also hate having it messed up. So during those times when I just wanted to cry while getting my hair combed (and my grandma threatening to pop my head with the brush and "give me something to cry about") I'd day dream about different things. Anything to get my head off of..... my head. One of the main things that I would dream about is what my life would be like when I got older and the man I would marry.

I pictured everything. The way he would pronounce my name. The way he would show me he cared. The way he'd propose to me. How he would act. How tall he would be, his complexion, his build, how he would smell. However, some of these things slightly changed as I got older. My dream man visions at the age of seven were slightly different than the visions at age 14 but since then its been pretty consistent and he has been etched in my mind. I had everything pictured....well everything except his face.

The other day I was watching my little cousin get her hair done and reminisced back to my hair combing day dreams of my dream guy and realized that he was here. J was my dream guy. I hadn't recognized him at first because quite frankly, he had a face, and my guy never did. But everything else is exactly what I had asked for. His height, build, voice, everything is as if I pressed him out of a prototype. In that instant, reality hit. Any doubts that I had of whether or not he and I were meant to be, vanished. All the fears I had of us moving too fast disappeared. After all, this was the man that I had dreamed about and had prayed for. The past is the past. The heartbreaks before him are behind me. I'm dedicating 100% of my time, effort, and heart into fostering this relationship and watching it grow. God has blessed me with him and I'm going to cherish every minute.

Here is my dream guy, J...

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Reinforcement


I wasn't kidding in my last post. Its not a game! I actually found a book about a womans love for sports by Holly Robinson Peete (one of my favorite stars by the way who I've been told I slightly resemble). Its called, "Get Your Own Damn Beer, I'm Watching The Game! A Woman's Guide To Loving Pro Football". This book will help you non-football fans out with understanding the game. Here is the amazon.com description:

"Year after year, Sunday afternoons and Monday nights during the NFL season have belonged to men. While they cheer and argue play calls, the women in their lives are relegated to beer and chip detail. It's time for these women to join the action, and Holly Robinson Peete, star of 21 Jump Street, For Your Love, and Hangin' with Mr. Cooper, and wife of NFL quarterback Rodney Peete, has written this hip, smart, cheerful guide to help them do so.Peete shares her infectious enthusiasm for pro football and takes the complexity out of the game by breaking it down to its component parts. She explains the role of each position player, provides a rundown of all on-field penalties and referees' hand signals, and offers an illustrated guide to some of the most common plays in the NFL. She gives her take on the most memorable plays in NFL history and dishes some inside dirt-in a breezy, girl-talkin' narrative that promises to turn the novice spectator into a well-informed football fanatic."

Read and enjoy!

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Sports, Sex, and Food!

"I'm about to hip yall to some game...."

Know about football, basketball too
Know all the players, know all the rules
Cook up a meal, learn a new move
The way to his heart is
Sports, Sex, and Food!

~Tweet


Alright ladies. I know I'm new to this whole relationship thing but I think I have a good handle on how to get/keep a man. I know you all have heard the saying that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Thats partly true. Let me break it down for yall....

SPORTS

This is very important ladies. Most men love sports. Now don't get me wrong, there are some guys out there who can't tell the Atlanta Braves apart from the Washington Redskins. But 9 times out of 10, he probably has at least some interest in sports. Ordinarally, he'll figure that women don't care about sports. Especially the prissy ones like me. But thats when you surprise them and knock them off their feet. When you can throw a guy for a loop you're just making him want more and to get to know you more. Thats definitely a good thing.

If you've been reading my blog in the past you know that I got in good with the Coworker by inviting him over to my place to watch the NBA finals. Worked like a charm. And my boyfriend J just loves the little rivalry we have going on between my team the Pittsburgh Steelers and his team the Baltimore Ravens.

But you can't just watch sports with them and not know a damn thing thats going on. There is nothing worse than trying to enjoy a game and someone keeps asking dumb questions right when Ed Reed just caught an inteception and is running it back for a touchdown. (He plays for the Ravens).
So you have to learn a little something. If that means doing a little research on the internet about players, stats, and rules...DO IT! Trust me ladies, its worth it!

SEX

In today's society, sex is important. There's no getting around it. I'm sure there are some of yall out there that practice abstinence or are 40 year old virgins. I'm not knocking you. MORE POWER TO YOU!!! Thats just not the world that I live in! Men by nature are sexual beings. They think about sex who knows how many times per day. Thats the sad truth.

The main point of this section is to tell you to take care of home. Keep him intrigued. Wear a cute little nightie to bed instead of a pair of flannel pajamas. Try out a new "move" on him that will have him saying, "Damn girl!" Keep it interesting. Keep it spicy. Don't fall into a rut. Because if you don't give your man what he needs, another woman will!

FOOD

The old adage is right. The way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Most men can eat like crazy! I mean its like they have a bottomless pit. And the sad part is that most men CAN'T cook yet they crave a good home cooked meal as a welcome change from the McDonald's and Wendy's that they eat on a daily basis. So if you can throw down in the kitchen you have a "one up" on keeping your man. One day I made a simple pot of spaghetti for J and he went back for THREE plates! Afterwards he said, "With food like this, I might have to go ring shopping!" He was exagerrating but the point is that we have to get off this independent woman (well just a little bit) and take it back to the way our grandmothers used to throw down in the kitchen. I know some of yall won't agree with me but think about it.....there was a lot less divorces back then!

So to sum it all up, you have to get down on his level. Understand the workings of a man's mind, and in my experience, this is the way a man's mind works. Take my advice, trust me, you'll thank me!

Monday, August 29, 2005

Confessions


I had a phone conversation with an ex-boyfriend of mine yesterday. For the sake of this blog I'll call him "Green Eyes." Here's a brief history about us... We had a good relationship, a horrible breakup, an attempt at getting back together, and finally a decent friendship. This was the first time I had talked to him in a couple months so we did the usual catching up.


Diva: "How's work coming?"
Green Eyes: "Same ol same ol. How's dance?"
Diva: "Great. We won a couple competitions and are getting ready for a performance in a couple weeks."
Green Eyes: "Sounds good. So are you dating?"
Diva: Yes I am. Things are going great!
Green Eyes: Does he know about me?
Diva: Know about you for what? (I really didn't see the point)
Green Eyes: So you all can air all your dirty laundry. You know, get your past out there for each other to know. You should tell him about your ex's especially the recent ones.

In my mind I'm thinking, what kind of sick and twisted thing is this man talking about? Is he trying to sabatoge my relationship with J by making me spill the beans on my past romances? By George I think he is!!!

The next day I tell one of my friends about his foolishness and much to my surprise she agreed with him. Her argument was that honesty is the best policy and that you should bring your past to the light in order to avoid skeletons falling out of your closet in the future. Now don't get me wrong, I see where she is coming from. To a certain extent, I agree that some things should be told like crazy ex-stalkers that still might be lurking around, explorations into the same sex, videos that might be floating on the internet. But I don't have any of these to tell.

Should I tell J about all the crazy ex-boyfriends I've had? Should I tell him exact details of the reason each of my relationships fell apart? Should I tell him that I was involved with someone when we first started dating?

As Whitney Houston would say..."HELL TO THE NAW!"

Yes honesty is the best policy and its good to get things out in the open but there are some confessions that I'm not willing or ready to make. What do you all think?

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Like Whitney Loves Bobby

Today I'm going to talk about unconditional love. You know that Whitney and Bobby love. Anybody who has ever watched the show "Being Bobby Brown" on Bravo knows what I'm talking about. Through the good, the bad, the tabloids, and the incarcerations, their love has stood the test of time.
Growing up I was a huge Whitney Houston fan. I mean, HUGE!!! I remember being in my room, singing at the top of my lungs into my "microphone" (my hair brush) every lyric to every one of her songs including "I Wanna Dance With Somebody", "Where do Broken Hearts Go", and even "My name is not Susan." (For some reason I loved that song!) Then my grandmother would come in and tell me that singing was not a gift that God blessed me with and that I should be working on those gifts not singing. In other words, she was telling me to shut that racket up!!! But I didn't care! I'd wait for her to leave and continue to sing quietly in my room until the music hit me deep in my soul and I belted out the loudest longest "AND IIIIIIIIII" from her song "I will always love you".
I remember watching her movies like The Bodyguard and The Preachers Wife and Waiting to Exhale thinking she was the most beautiful woman in the world. You couldn't even hate on her. She was beautiful with an amazing voice. And then came Bobby Brown.

At first I couldn't really understand it but it wasn't the end of the world for me. Yes they seemed like the epitome of a mix-matched couple but hey, she was Whitney Houston and could do what she wanted to do. But things changed. She was no longer the beautiful, sweet girl next door vocal powerhouse. She became this....


The world as I knew it was over! I became disappointed in my once idol. She let a man bring her down and she turned into a crazy crack head. But as I got older I realized that she really, truly loves this man. She stood by his side unconditionally. She attended every court hearing, sentencing, and every jail release. She supported him in his career and even proclaimed on national television that he was the "King of R&B". (Yes he had some nice songs in the 80's but she must have been smoking some good stuff that day to think he is the king!). But anyway, the point is that she was unconditionally his woman. Even when the entire world said that she should leave him, even when her mother didn't approve of her relationship and lifestyle, even when her fans didn't go out and buy her latest album, she was unconditionally his woman.
Yes their relationship is strange, and no I don't support their lifestyle, I know that they share unwavering trust and love. Each new episode you get a peak into their strange relationship and you see how even more strange she is than you originally thought. And even though I pray to God that I never have to go through the same ups and downs that they have gone through, I asked the Lord to send me a man that would show me that same kind of endless love. I'm not the only one looking for a love like that. The singer Shawn Kane even had a song about it called "Like Whitney Loves Bobby". Here is the chorus...
"Could you love me unconditionally, like Whitney loves Bobby
Could hold me, kiss me, and wait for me, like Whitney did Bobby
Even when I mess up would you go through the fire or walk away and call me a liar
Can you love me unconditionally, like Whitney loves Bobby"
-Shawn Kane


Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Girl Talk


This past weekend, J and I were at the mall and we ran into a couple of my friends. I introduced them all and one of my friends playfully said, "J, its nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you." That made me start to think. Wow, she really has heard so much about him. I hadn't realized how much I had told my friends about him and how much I, in turn, knew about my friends significant others. I came to the conclusion, girl talk isn't just reserved for high school teenagers. Us women talk just as much.

What exactly do we talk about? ..... EVERYTHING!!! From our guys occupation to their middle name. We tell it all. I actually had a friend recite her mans social security number by heart! I think that is a bit extreme but it proves my point that nothing is really off limits for some women to talk about. I have spilled the beans on topics like J's favorite foods, sleeping habits, occupation, and even some family history but there is one thing that I do not reveal to my female friends. Thats our intimate details regarding our sex life. Some things just aren't meant to be told. I love my friends to death, and trust them (for the most part) but telling a woman about a good man who is good in bed is like throwing meat to hungry lionesses! Therefore, my girls get generic pieces of information like, "yes we are sexually involved." Or "yes he keeps me satisfied." Intricate details like the when, where, and how aren't revealed. But thats just my personal practice. My friends don't care AT ALL! I know who's boyfriend isn't "packin", who goes all night, who would rather take things into "her own hands". They spill everything.

But sex isn't the only thing that we talk about. Some women disclose their mans income, their baby mama drama, you name it, its up for discussion. The sweet things he does for us, the times he made us mad, and of course the ugly things. (One friend told me about the ugly faces her man made when he climaxed. SCARY!!)

But WHY do we tell our friends so much about our mates? Is it for affirmation from our friends that we are with a good man? Are we trying to make our friends jealous when we tell them about the good things? Are we simply just trying to get advice about a situation? Or is it just something to talk about? For each woman and each conversation, the reason could be any of these. But no matter what the reason is, and no matter if its right or if its wrong...just know that like TLC said....

"The girls are talking, the girls are talking!"

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Meeting The Family

We did it. We took the big plunge. I introduced J to my family. Thankfully it wasn't as disastrous as the movie "Meet the Parents." Things actually went great.

It was my grandfathers 74th birthday cookout. My entire family was there. Aunts, crazy uncles, cousins, family members I haven't seen in years and couldn't remember their names. The place was packed. We walk in and are immediately greeted by two crazy, over protective uncles. They quickly give him the once over "let me size you up before I break you down" look. But my baby handled it perfectly. He laughed at their jokes, threw a couple out there and within minutes they were giving him the "handshake." (You know the handshake that black men give each other that says, "you're all right with me".) Uncles: CHECK!

Next it was time to meet my grandparents, two of the four people who raised me. My grandmother gave him the same loving embrace that she gives everyone. Standing on her tip toes (cause she's only 4'10") with a huge smile and saying, "Hey baby." My granddad wasn't quite as warm, with a stern look on his face all he said was "hello." After I gave him his birthday present and told him that J helped me pick it out he softened up and said "You kids go fix yall a plate of food." Grandparents: CHECK!!

Now its moms turn to meet him; my third parental unit (I come from a non-traditional family) Being a newly divorced woman she was taken back by his muscular build. I had to give her the "he's mine" look so she wouldn't get any ideas. (just kidding, moms is cool) She loved the way he quickly got up from the table where he was eating so he could help her with her bags and how cleared the table for me once I was done eating. When he stepped out of the room, she gave me her approval: a strong head nod saying "you go girl!". Mom: CHECK!!!

Last but not least, its parent number 4: my aunt Lynn. I thought she would be the toughest but surprisingly she was the easiest. It was just, "Hello J, I've heard so much about you. Nice to finally meet you." Thats it? I was just waiting for her to start grilling him but she didn't. Later on I asked her why she didn't grill him and she said that she didn't feeel she needed to. He seemed cool and I have her blessings. Wow. Aunt Lynn: CHECK!!!

All in all, the day was great. Besides everyone telling J how much I talk about him and how I smile when they say his name, it was a perfect first meeting for them. Yeah I was a bit embarrassed when J saw the million and one baby pictures of me around the house and when my family told him how they feel like they know everything about him because I won't stop talking about him. But its ok, he already knows I'm completely smittened by him.

As we were leaving and saying goodbye to everyone my uncles and cousins would each give him a handshake or hug and tell him welcome to the family. That seems a bit premature to me but I'm just glad that they liked him and accept him as the man I want to be with. He's only the third guy I've ever brought home to meet my family. Will he be the last? Who knows. Only time will tell. You'll have to keep reading to see.